There’s no doubt that you’ve seen certain dancers at a party or club always on the dance floor, seeming to have an endless line of partners waiting for a dance. You may have observed a dancer like this and thought one of two things, either “No wonder he (she) is so popular! What a great dancer!”, or “Why is that person getting so many dances?!”
The keys to being a popular partner, and therefore getting the most enjoyment out of your dancing, involve not only dance competence, but some generally etiquette and attention to manners.
I can’t believe some of the scenarios we’ve heard from dancers about how other dancers have treated them or acted. It seems even the refinement of the ballroom is not immune to rudeness and impolite behavior. An introspective analysis of your own attitude and presentation might bring about a new group of dancers eager to cut the rug with you.
Take into account these three categories that will improve your rating as a partner:
1. Dance Competence
Obviously, having dance skills will help increase the chances of filling up your dance card. To get a better view of how possible partners perceive you, take an honest stock of your dance level and realize that if your patterns are getting stale, your lead or follow is weak or your timing is off the mark, you must fix it. So, take some group classes or private lessons to keep up and prevent your dancing from getting rusty.
A skilled dancer is able to enjoy dancing with both a beginner or advanced partner. With a beginner, a skilled dancer can practice their own lead or follow and bolster the confidence of a newcomer at the same time. Dancing with a beginner means more basic patterns, so an intermediate dancer can also use the time with a beginner to concentrate on a technical point, such as hip action, during the dance. Of course with a more advanced dancer, they will be able to challenge their own skill level and get a nice workout at the same time.
With this in mind, broaden your circle and ask someone more advanced and less advanced than you. According to professional dancer, instructor and host of popular monthly dance parties in Southern California, Robert Cooper,
“Remember that there are many different levels of dancers at a party, and everyone was once a beginner, so give a chance to newer dancers and be patient, allowing them to work through mistakes. How newer dancers feel they are received at their first few outings will either give them courage to continue or not.”
2. Manners
Basic courtesies should be adhered to in a club or at a party. This includes asking your potential partner politely for a dance. Should you be turned down, there is no need to pout, storm off, or demand a reason why you’ve been turned down–that will surely prohibit any chance of a dance with this person (or their friends, once they hear about your behavior) in the future. A simple “thanks anyway” is sufficient and try again with someone else. Keep in mind that the reason you’ve been brushed off could be as innocent as the person’s feet hurt, they are too hot, or feel intimidated, so try not to take it personally. The end of each dance, whether it was a great 2 minutes or seemed like it would never end, is another time when simple manners should be asserted. Partners should thank one another and a gentleman should walk his partner back to her seat. If your partner asks you for the next dance before exiting the floor, you can decline graciously, and then walk together back to the lady’s seat.
During the dance, there are also expectations of civility and etiquette. Men, the partner you’re dancing with and partners around you will notice if your floorcraft is boorish or inconsiderate. It is critical that you as the leader are aware of your surroundings and other couples and not approach moving around the dance floor like a round of bumper cars. If you are a beginner dancer, stick to the corners or edges of the floor. If you are an intermediate/advanced dancer, you should be competent enough to be aware of those less skilled than you and maneuver without making others feel uncomfortable.
Another frequent faux pas is teaching on the dance floor. It is considered highly discourteous to try and “teach” your partner during a dance. Cooper agrees that teaching on the floor is a major no-no. He says, “The number one turn off for dancers is someone trying to teach them on the floor. It is especially annoying to see a dancer trying to teach their partner of the opposite sex. For example, instead of a man trying to teach the woman her part, he should be concentrating on getting his own part better.” Not only does teaching on the floor also holds up the rest of the dancers from enjoying the dance if you are stopped, but it is embarrassing for your partner to feel like they are receiving a lesson from you because they are not good enough to dance with you for 2 minutes. If the person you asked (or who asked you) was not as competent as you expected, chalk it up to experience and concentrate on improving your own lead/follow skills during the dances. The reverse is also true that you should not expect a partner to teach you to dance on the floor. There have been several times I’ve heard from men who’ve told me they think women will be eager to “take them under their wing” and help them get started. This astounds me, as in all my experience, I’ve never heard a women say this, but quite the opposite that ladies are looking for a great partner to lead them surely and confidently, even if the patterns are simple. Once you’re at the stage where you are attending parties or club, the goal of social dancing is to take what you know and have fun!
Under no circumstances is it ever acceptable to cross the line in regards to personal space during a dance. This means, no hand slipping, no brushing or grabbing and no forward language. Remember that the close proximity you are sharing on the dance floor is for the purpose of ballroom dancing. Also, take note that styling or expression during a dance is generated from the character of the dance or the enjoyment of dancing itself and should not be misconstrued as an invitation to be overfamiliar. Should you wish to pursue a partner off the floor, spend some time with them after the dance engaging in conversation to feel out if there is a mutual interest.
3. Appearance
You don’t have to be the most attractive person in the room to attract lots of dance partners. First rule of attraction: be approachable. Hiding in a corner gives the impression you are an observer and not wanting to get onto the floor. If you want partners to approach you, or if you are looking for someone who might be more apt to accept an invitation, sit or stand nearer to the dance floor.
Next, good posture sends out a positive vibe. Posture will not only help your dancing once you’re on the floor, but also sends out an air of confidence that others will instinctively gravitate towards. Also, have a smile ready for everyone. Even if you’re just passing each other at the punch bowl or on the way to the restroom, a relaxed smile immediately makes you more approachable.
Showing up once to a club or party is general not enough to attract many dance partners, since people tend to be more comfortable approaching familiar faces. Cooper states that consistency is the number one way to build up your popularity and get the most time on the dance floor.
“People are more comfortable dancing with people they know or have seen before, so coming frequently to a party or club is the way to begin to break the ice and allow people to get to know you. It can be hard to become part of the group, or when you don’t know anyone, but the more often you show up, the more quickly other dancers with be apt to take a chance with you.”
With regard to appearance, there is also the big topic of hygiene. Please do not underestimate the importance of being, and staying, clean and neat. Partner dancing brings strangers into a very close physical zone, so it is of the utmost importance to be vigilant about your personal care. For further notes about hygiene, please read our earlier posted article on the subject.
Popular dance partners are not limited by their dance level or physical appearance, but are sought after for their understanding of how to make the other person comfortable. If you’re having a good time, others will want to share in it with you.
With her husband Erik, they are the founders of DanceSport Place and have a passion to help dancesport competitors reach their dancing goals.
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