Remember when you were looking for a partner? You probably had a wishlist of what you were searching for in the perfect dance partner:
Dance style, height, location, personality, dance ability, commitment…just to name a few!
Then you finally found that right person, who checked off enough boxes on your wishlist. And the honeymoon phase started. Patience, willingness, compromise–all of that, because you were on your best behavior, of course!
But as the partnership settles in and things get more comfortable, expectations grow. The true work of dance partnership sets in when things start to get stressful and pressure builds.
“Dancing is not just about finding a good partner, it is also about being a good one.” click to tweet
Stressful practices and strife in partnerships is so unproductive to successful dancing. Partners need to keep in mind that they are on the same team and NOT competing against each other.
Both dancers have to be willing to make changes towards a better use of their energies then fighting. By following a few simple steps, keeping the peace between partners will not only lead to more productive practices and competitions, but also more positive personal relations.
Expert Advice
Joao Capela[
Want to have a happier partnership and get more done? We got some fantastic advice on the matter from Joao Capela, an expert in performance and mental coaching for dancers. Joao works one-on-one with couples on helping them achieve their competitive goals by taking control of how to have a happy partnership.
(Side note, if you find practicing is becoming unproductive because of your partnership, consider adding a mental/performance trainer, like Joao, to your training team. Learning techniques to improve your partnership relations is well worth the investment!)
The 6 Steps to a Happier Dance Partnership
1. Respect your partner’s ability.
Joao’s Pro Tip:
“Everyone is different and has different abilities. Each partner must learn what are their own and their partner’s abilities and respect them. If you know your partner, you also know what he or she is good about and not so good about. It is your job to highlight those abilities and hide the rest.
Help your partner. It is very easy to find faults in the other when something bad happens. It is very easy to complain on the partner and not in ourselves. Try to see your partner as your most important factor in your dance. Without your partner you are nothing, so respect he/she and listen all the time.”
2. Realize that you don’t know everything.
Joao’s Pro Tip:
“I usually say that your partner is your best teacher. And is a great, great teacher because he or she knows you better then any other teacher and also because he/she is ALWAYS there. So be humble and take very serious on his/her advice and tips for you.”
3. Be willing to try something in a new way.
Joao’s Pro Tip:
“If your partner wants to try something new, please accept. You are in a artistic world, and your creativity must be explored as must as possible. Don’t limit your mind only to your routine and stuff that teachers says.
You must explore together new movements, new dances, new styles. This is very important to develop your artistic mental side and keep yourselves motivated. And when you try new things, you are creating more links between the couple and knowing yourself better.
At the same time when you try something in a new way, maybe you find a better way to do the things. As I said before, everyone is different, so it is important to find what is the “way” that fits each one in the couple better.”
4. Compliment your partner and be encouraging.
Joao’s Pro Tip:
“Don’t expect your teachers to compliment you, neither your dance colleagues. They all have their agendas and problems. So focus all your time in your partner. He or she is always there and is the only one that is truly interested in your success.
Never stop complimenting your partner and motivating him/her. If your partner is happy you will also be. If he or she is motivated so will you be. Spend your time and energy encouraging your partner, accepting his or her faults, forgiving and genuinely believing in him/her.”
5. Set goals together with your partner.
Joao’s Pro Tip:
“Setting goals for the next season is a great way to better know your partner and his or her dreams. Sometimes we are dancing with someone but we never stop to think of what we really want.
Sit together and set goals for the next year and you will dance and practice much more in connection because now you both have the same goals.”
6. Create your own style, not your teacher’s style.
Joao’s Pro Tip:
“In the world of dance, it is very normal to have lessons with different teachers. It is now easier to travel so more and more couples can afford to be taught by more than one teacher. This is a great thing, but what happens also is that you may receive different pieces of information, even the opposite…
To have an happier partnership it is important to develop and decided what is your own style (not your teachers style… maybe it is entirely different) and stay true to that style.
This way, after a lesson it is your job to filter what you want to import to your dance and routine and leave what is not in line with your style. Do this with your partner. Listen to him/her and give more importance to his or her opinions instead of your teacher’s.”
Practice Happy Partnering!
When you think about your own partnership, how can these tips help you to have a happier partnership? Try them out and let us know what you think in the comments below.
Thanks very much to Joao for bringing his expert experience to this post!
With her husband Erik, they are the founders of DanceSport Place and have a passion to help dancesport competitors reach their dancing goals.
- Write your Dance: Improve your dancing through journaling - November 12, 2019
- The Difference Between Oversway and Throwaway: Ballroom Video Preview - June 8, 2018
- Principles of Movement: Ballroom Basics Video - September 21, 2016
we respect your privacy and will never share your information! Unsubscribe at any time.
Some great advice here. #2 can be especially challenging when you have a stronger technical understanding than your partner does. You have to not let that get in the way, and remind yourself that your partner is THE most qualified person to comment on the FEEL of what you’re doing. And if it doesn’t feel right, it probably doesn’t look right.
I’m also reminded of a tip from Skippy Blair, who asked in a workshop, “If two people are dancing together for the first time, and there’s a difference in style, or a difference in feel, whose responsibility is it to make the adjustment — the leader or the follower?”
Trick question. The answer is: the one who’s aware there’s an issue and is able to make the adjustment,
While she was generally speaking about people dancing together socially for the first time, I think that it’s still true even with a dance partner of many years.
Regarding #6 — I enjoy learning from different instructors, but by far the best coach I ever went to was the one who said, “I’m not trying to get you to dance like me, I’m trying to get you to dance like you, at the very best you can be.” And he did that better than any other coach we ever worked with.
Thanks Scott! You’re right, it’s hard when one partner is more advanced. That’s when #4 becomes really necessary! 🙂
What great insight you’ve gained from those teachers. True words of wisdom about dancing your personal style, at your best. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Hi Scott! Great comment and great coach you have (regarding #6). In my opinion that should be all coaches work – to find the best inside each dancer. Find out their styles, sometimes even before they realize it and develop that. Thanks for sharing!
What a great article! Regarding #6 – It’s very hard to find a teacher or coach like that. Everybody wants to teach what they think it’s right or the style they dance. To help a student or couple developer their own style needs a coach or teacher having or kinds of knowledge.
Thanks for your positive response, Dan! You’re right, it takes a special coach who is truly interested in bringing out the unique individuality of their dancers. You might like this interview with Goran Nordin where he mentions this kind of coach. http://bit.ly/1ow2xQD Tune in from 7:13.
Hi Dan! Yes you are right. Not all teachers are focus on inspiring their dancers to find their true style. But did you already tried to talk with your teachers and share what is your idea for dance and the style that you want to adopt? I am sure your teachers will be happy to know more about you. This way everyone will work in the same direction. Thanks for sharing! Ignite your Dance!